Dr. Hibbert Will See You Now (Or How To Waste $15)

In my time in New York I've accumulated quite a cadre of doctors: internists, specialists, surgeons--you name it, I've seen someone for it. I probably find about 90% of these doctors pretty good at what they do, which is pretty good considering most were picked solely on the basis of their proximity to where I work. But there is one doctor I've never particularly liked, and oddly, he's the one I've had the longest: my general practititioner.

I suppose the reason I never bothered to change was because I never saw him that much. He'd give me my flu shot and I'd see him if I wanted to check my cholesterol or my allergies were bothering me, but over the course of eight years, this has only amounted to a handful of visits.

One time I had an allergic reaction to a medicine I was taking. I was covered in hives; I had a fever; I couldn't even bend my fingers they were so swollen. When I went to see him the first thing he said was "Wow, you might have some mysterious illness." Or hives.

The next time I had an allergic reaction to a different medicine, I went to my dermatologist. Who actually knew what it was.

For about five days I had had a sore throat which progressed into a racuous cough. Normally I won't go to the doctor for a cold unless it's gone on for a week, but I felt oddy pressured by my boss (I had left work early and felt somehow that was contingent upon my seeing the doctor).

As soon as I said "cough" he said "bronchitis." As soon as he said "bronchitis" little bells went off in my head. I mean, I'm no doctor myself, but I'm pretty sure a cough is a sign of many things, including the common cold. As I continued to describe my condition, he continued to repeat bronchitis.

All for this: he's a pill pusher. All he wanted to do was give me a prescription for something. He always has pharma reps in his office. They are always young, pretty girls. He is always super chatty. There must be some sort of reciprocity involved: the more samples he moves, the more pens and magnets he gets.

He shoved an antibiotic sample and prescription in my hand. Asked if I needed any other pills--mood stabilizers, sleeping pills, Viagra, Accutane, prevacid (this guy must give out GREAT Easter baskets).

So many times we don't listen to our guts and it turns out our guts were right. I knew I didn't have bronchitis. I never filled the prescrip and the sample is sitting on my dresser. Two days later, my cold seems to be clearing up nicely.

What I'm really saying is this: get your reqeusts in now, friends. Next time I see Dr. Hibbert, I'll be sure to hit him up for whatever you need.