OSCARS recap

You know some people say the only thing people are interested in anymore, as far as the Oscars are concerned, are the clothes. How superficial. What's really important are the awards. Well, I say phooey on you. The awards aren't really very important either. What do I really care if a movie—which, sure, I liked well enough—wins an award? Wins a thousand awards? Basically, I don't know anyone affiliated with this movie from the director straight on down to the catering service, and whether or not this movie wins in no way affects my enjoyment of said film. These awards are basically a circle jerk for Hollywood power players who use their newfound status as "Academy Award winners" to get bigger paychecks and more caché. So why not fixate on fashion? It's at least as important as anything else that happens that night.

On another note, I've decided to do away with gender division. The people are clamoring for equality (it's actually more out of my own laziness, but whatev)! I'm just going to list everyone straight up "best dressed" and "worst dressed."

BEST DRESSED:

Will Smith looked superfine in his pinstripes and velvet vest. Points off for the double diamond studs (ditto for Ludacris and Jamie Foxx) which I think is, well, gay.



George Clooney also looked dreamy in his bespoke Armani tux. Love the tuxedo stripe on the pants, a tradition which seems long forgotten (but maybe I'm just not going to enough black tie events).



My two favorite ladies were Sandra Bullock, who wore a gorgeous navy blue Angel Sanchez frock with pockets (I love dresses with pockets—very 50's),



and Michelle Williams who wore a wonderful marigold-colored Vera Wang confection which looked fantastic with her red lipstick.



Heidi Klum also gets points for her lovely flowy ice blue dress. Heidi's fashion sense is always questionable, so it's nice to see her looking so classy.



WORST DRESSED:

Tim Burton. Not really shocking.

Graydon Carter, who wore an inexplicable pair of blue plaid pants with a tuxedo jacket. I'm sure he was just trying to be "different" but it's his party! He should look like the host, not the little kid who stayed up past his bedtime.



I have to call out Felicity Huffman in a Zac Posen dress, who looked great from the neck up and the waist down, but she is in her mid-40's and I just think side boob cleavage is reserved for those much younger (and even then I have my reservations). I mean, I get it—she was just in a movie about a man who wanted to be a woman and she is also the frumpiest of the housewives, but c'mon, lady, act your age.



Bahar Soomekh almost gets it right. The color of her Calvin Klein dress is great, but the drooping v-neck and lack of, erm, support, are not doing her figure any favors.



Ziyi Zhang is gorgeous and usually looks great, but I hate this Armani dress on her. She has the opposite problem of Huffman: she wants to grow up too fast. I call it Mena Suvari Syndrome (remember when she wore that matronly Escada gown to the Oscars?). Zhang should be wearing something fun and youthful and this dress is just too...old.



Lauren Hutton. I can't explain.



Regina King. It looks like she bought this dress three months ago and thought, "I'll lose weight to get into this thing" and then never did. As they say in the biz (the grocery store biz) "Trying to fit ten pounds of potatoes into an eight-pound sack."



BEST PLUS ONES:

Les Moonves' wife, TV personality Julie Chen, looks smokin' hot in this red number.



Rupert Murdoch's wife, Wendy Deng, also looks fantastic.



I love these stuffed penguins. Maybe a little hokey, but fun. If I were actually at the Oscars, I would have tried to steal one.



WORST PLUS ONES:

Easily Martin Landau's date, Gretchen Becker. Yikes! The embroidered dress is bad enough, but those boots!



I actually found the clothes this year rather pedestrian. It seems like the more outlandish outfits now happen at the Vanity Fair party.

PS-Why was Terrence Howard wearing a brooch? I can't think of a possible circumstance in which it is okay for a man to wear a brooch.