If you're ever in a bad mood...

...try chanting "titty bar ticket" over and over again. Doesn't matter if you don't know what it means, it's still damn funny. Or try saying "tranquiloquist" over and over again.

Haven't been posting much lately, but I've been busy studying, writing, reading the Bible...that sort of thing. The truth is, I've got a lot to do before I die and blogging isn't it.

Bono's in love with the world. He wants to embrace it. I want to punch its lights out.--Bob Geldof

The Wrong Trousers

I wore a pair of pants yesterday that I don't really like. They are nice pants, but I never feel good when I wear them. Yet every time I wear them I get loads of compliments. I will even go so far as to say that as I put them on yesterday and looked at myself in the mirror, I thought, "I should get rid of these." But then the compliments came a'flowin'. Do I really have no idea what I actually look like?

And in case you don't know what The Wrong Trousers is, you're missing out!

smell ya later, Rach

I'm absolutely giddy that Katie Holmes will not reprise her role as Rachel Dawes in the sequel to Batman Begins. Batman has always been my favorite of the superheroes and I hate to see him fall in love with a dopey girl like Katie portrayed Rachel. I think she's a marginally attractive, totally boring actress. But she has nice hands. Like Kirsten Dunst. I don't know why I'm so attracted to people's hands.

So this People article is all about celebrity bachelors. Here's what I think of their picks:

Colin Farrell: petulant child.
Jake Gyllenhaal: sigh.
Usher: really hot, but too into himself.
Orlando Bloom: best as an elf.
Jamie Foxx: immaculately groomed--to the point of obsession.
Hayden Christensen: I have a bad feeling about him...
Jesse Metcalfe: see Usher.
Wilmer Valderrama: how he's dated so many starlets is a mystery (kind of like Adam Duritz dating Courteney Cox and Jennifer Aniston). But if he likes CPK he must be AOK.
Mike Epps: I don't even know who this is.
Zach Braff: I love him. He is totally unattractive to me, but his insides are warm and gooey.
Ryan Seacrest: I find him repulsively into himself. Uber-Usher.
John Legend: see Mike Epps.
Owen Wilson: I've spoken of him before. Adore.
Robert Gant: see John Legend.
Dhani Jones: see Robert Gant.
Carson Daly: less of a tool than before. Something about his eyes always bugged me.
John Stamos: have mercy.

I heart Jake Gyllenhaal--part 2

According to this week's edition of People--yes, I know, hardly the most accurate place for information--Jake is currently reading Salt: A History of the World. I so love him. And I so hate Kirsten Dunst. Not for being his on/off girlfriend but because I really think she's a shit actress.

Hi, my life is meaningless.

This woman at work just walked around and asked everyone in the office if a print out belonged to them. You know how when you print out something from a website a lot of times the content prints out on one page and the ads print out on another page? This was one of the ad pages. I mean, she's a nice lady, but seriously, get a life.

Tapioca...not so groddy

I've never had tapioca pudding. I'm pretty fearless when it comes to food, but tapioca pudding looks like bugs to me and I just can't get past it. As I had long built up this fear/hate of tapioca, when they started showing up in Asian tea drinks, I thought "gross." Plus you had to drink them with those gigantic straws, which also seemed unappealing.

But this last weekend I was out with a friend and felt sufficiently encouraged to try the peach iced tea with tapioca beads from St. Alp's. It was definitely hard getting used to the straw and sucking up solids with your tea, but the more I drank and chewed, the more I dug it. I'm converted.

I mean, the pudding still gives me the willies, but I might still try it some day. Oh, and if you have no idea what tapioca is made out of, as I did, go here.

I heart Jake Gyllenhaal

No laundry list of all the reasons he turns me into a gushing teenager, but I so love this boy.

My name in lights

Even though I have a straightforward-sounding job--photo researcher--no one ever knows what that means. Why should they? It's not a very common job, you never hear about it in the news or in movies, and I'm probably the only one that my friends will ever know. But, blimey, we just got a mention on the 6/62005 issue of TIME in an article about how fat and lazy Americans are: Even a low impact job like research librarian no longer involves much reaching, bending and pulling tomes from the stacks--not when you can let your fingers do the walking on the keyboard.

Okay, so I'm not technically a research librarian anymore, but I still feel like now I actually exist, where as before I was just a phantom...

Rob Roy-rific

I FINALLY finished Rob Roy! All's it took was one night at my parent's house with nothing to do to push me across the finish line. I suppose the book was all right, but the Scottish dialect really sucked ass. And the fact that Rob Roy showed up in the middle and thereafter returned only sporadically made me feel a little mislead. Though I suppose a book called Francis Obaldistone just wouldn't move as many copies.

FAVORITE QUOTE: Ai! I can't find my copy of the book, so I can't give a favorite. So sad...

The wedding that wasn't...

Florida was absurdly rainy. Just like last year when Snowman and I went to Savannah. But Disney's not so bad in the rain--better than Disney in the blistering heat anyway. Plus we got in for free. Snowman and I played mini golf--also like Savannah--and it was so crowded and he beat me by two strokes. We went to downtown Disney and played at the Legoland play place. As I was carefully constructing my abstract art masterpiece (which one boy told me looked like something out of Star Wars) a little British girl informed me I had taken "all the best bricks" at which point I had to stop or else look like a big bully. I also had to drive 350 miles ALL BY MYSELF to Macon, Georgia. It took me 5.5 hrs. with two short stops (I'm not bragging, but it took Angry Dolphin 9 hrs. to make the same drive in April). I hate driving. My brother, Wang Chung, and his wife LTG and I went to Stone Mountain, which may not be the most creative name, but is certainly descriptive as it was literally a giant stone mountain. We hiked to the top and, boy, was it hot, but I made it up okay. We had Dippin' Dots when we went to the top and they were sooo good. I'd never had them before. Only come to find out, they weren't really Dippin' Dots. They were Mini Melts and I kind of felt gyped of the whole Dippin' Dots experience. Then we ate crappy Italian for dinner. I had spaghetti and meatballs, Wang Chung had some groddy baked ziti (so not our Uncle's) and LTG had what she called "an eggplant boat." Then we went home and made peach cobbler with premaid biscuits that we cut into little hearts. It wasn't bad, but I had a tummy ache by then from all the Laffy Taffy. [What do you call a tire's dad? Poppa Wheelie.] When LTG took a shower (Wang Chung did not take a shower and that is gross, even for me because we were sweaty and disgusting after the mountain of stone) Wang Chung poured all the freezing cold cooler water on her. It feels good to laugh at other people's expense. The next day I drove to Atlanta and flew home and now here I am.