The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin

I read an exerpt from The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin while I was in college and was quite impressed with how practical, determined and rational he was (nevermind those rumors about illegitimate children). I'd always meant to read it in its entirety, and here we are, 8 years later and I've done it. And while the Angry Dolphin slogs through Walter Isaacson's 608 page monster, I've finished my 136 page trifle in no time at all. By the way, despite the NYPL having over thirty copies of this book, I can never check it out for additional time because there is always a waiting list. I find this odd.

Favorite quote: But, on the whole, tho’ I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavour, a better and happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it...

gy.ne.col.o.gist

My boss (code name: Charlie Brown) seriously referred to a gynecologist as a "woman doctor." Are there really 35-year old men out there afraid of this word? I swear if I had said vagina in front of him he would have fallen head first into his French fries.

I have an old white blanket I affectionately call "Blanc-y" (what, you don't have nicknames for your linens?) because blanc is the French word for white (but you knew that). Turns out the word blanket actually orginates from the word blanc as "in the Middle Ages, French linens were made from undyed woolen cloth, which had a whitish hue." (January 2005 Martha Stewart Living) Huh.

Michellephant's Favorite Things

Hell, if Oprah can do it, so can I.

I love Texmati white rice. I grew up on sticky rice so I really hate Uncle Ben's and don't much like basmati either. Texmati is a good balance between sticky and fluffly. And it never burns in the pot!

I also love zappos.com. They have an amazing selection of really great shoes and a lot of them are super cheap. Michael Kors flip flops for less than $30? Hells yeah.

And as long as we're in the Christmas spirit, MoMA holiday cards are simply the best. Really fun (stickers on a card? brilliant!), artsy designs and super cheap after the holidays. Someone could seriously give these to me as a Christmas present so I could give them out the next year and I would be thrilled.

Motto 2005

I like to have a motto for the new year. 2004's motto was "Who cares about the rest of the world?" 2005's motto is going to be "It is what it is." (particularly useful at work)

I have a hole in my sock today. My big toe wants to come out and play.

I hate the friggin' Swarovski hut in Rockefeller Center. It ruins my view of the tree when I'm walking to work! Not that I'm such a huge fan of the tree (why don't they do all white lights one year? or hang some ornaments? or put the colored lights into a discernible pattern?), but it's a nice to see something New Yorky every day. I guess it's okay though, because the camels out for their morning constitutional more than makes up for the impeded view. And today I also saw a pony!

Fool me once shame on you...

I've known this girl for a long time. We used to be much closer, but over the years...you know how it goes. Anyway she had a party a few weeks ago and I said I had to work, but could come after. She said, "Don't worry, we'll be there all night." I called her after I got off of work and left a message: I'm heading down. If you're going to leave within the next hour, please let me know. Did she call? NO. Was she there? NO. At which point I said to the Snowman, "That's it, I'm done with her." It wasn't like I was punishing her or anything (I mean, it would have been ridiculous of me to assume she would even care), but like I said, over the years we had drifted apart. We were busy people with different priorities. I understood: I just didn't matter to her.

I was so serious about being done with her, and really, you shouldn't think meanly of me for being that way. It wasn't as if I didn't like her anymore. In fact, I still think she's really a cool girl, but when people don't want to hang out with me I tend not to want to hang out with them.

But she was contrite and seemed sincere. We made dinner plans. She cancelled. I feel foolish.

New Year's reso

I have a New Year's resolution (I know, I know, it's only December 7th!): no more free hugs. This doesn't mean no more hugs ever, of course. Hugs are one of the great things about having two arms and a torso. I've certainly had more than a few innocent crushes germinate from more than a few not-so-innocent hugs.

But's let's face it, New York City is hug-happy. Maybe it's because life can be so sour here and really we're all looking for a little affection anywhere we can get it. It's just that there have been many occasions in the past years where I've run into someone who has greeted me with open arms. I, on the other hand, am thinking, "I can almost remember your name" or "I was hoping you weren't going to be here" or just plain old "Yuck." Yet it's much easier to just do the hug than back away, which can only be taken as an act of open hostility and rejection.

I'm not doing it anymore. It's my body and if I don't like you, you're not getting a hug so climb off!

signs

Woody Guthrie had a sign on his guitar that said "This machine kills fascists."

Steve McQueen had a sign in his pool that said "Anyone caught in here better have a damn good reason."

I once had an English teacher that said you should actually write "the sign read" instead of "the sign said" because technically a sign can't say anything. She was probably the same teacher who said you're not supposed to start sentences with "but" or "and." I don't think either of these things is true.

Ah, nostalgia

Remember Mr. Men and Little Miss? Of course you do. They re-emerge every so often to remind us all of how wonderful our childhoods were (whether in actuality they were wonderful or not). Anyway, now you can make your own! Really cute.